The Face of a Woman

Great #art project addressing #sexism and cat calls. Written comments are even more telling. pic.twitter.com/ofC6bcAwV1
— YK Hong (@ykhong) March 9, 2013

In June, I discovered this tweet.  I haven't stopped thinking about it.  Yesterday was Women's Equality Day.

Since spotting this tweet, I can't tell you the number of times I have been going about my business, carrying the loss of my mother and other enormously back-breaking life events with me, and I've been told to smile or somehow alter the somber expression on my face.  

Then, it occurred to me, this has often happened to me throughout my life on the rare occasion I wasn't smiling.  I never really thought about it.

On a daily basis, I am the first person to smile.  I'll greet you, smile and say "how are you?"  I am delighted to listen and hear more.  I am joyful and inquisitive.  My greatest joy is to brighten a person's day.  I approach everyone first with, of course, a smile.  

I like to carry a smile with me and "share the bug".  

But, there is more to a smile that is undeniable.  There is a history to smiling that is often not acknowledged.  There was a time when "football players never smile" was freely spoken, understood, and admired.  Honest and humorous.  I think we were safer then. 

There is no one who believes more in joy, love, peace, and compassion than I do.  However, this beautiful piece of art, remembered again on Women's Equality Day, reminds us that, sadly enough...smiles are not equal.  

In some cases, with heads and hearts that hold dark thoughts, a smile, on The Face of a Woman, can be an invitation, seen as a flirtation, to disaster.

Smile...and be mindful.  Remember those who can smile freely when they are happy and remember those who may be told to smile.  And never forget those who when they did smile, as they were told, may later face an accusation that since they did smile, they "asked for it".

We still have not reached equality when a woman's, or girl's, smile of innocence may not be treated for what it is.  In 2013, it would be politically incorrect to say so.  

Attitudes can be held in darkness...or behind a smile.

Pain Management and Mindfulness

The Healer

First a disclaimer:  Take what you can and leave the rest...

Before every mindful and meditating person stops reading this article beyond the first paragraph, please bear with me.

This is a story that I have shared with a number of people about an experience that I had following a surgery in 2009.  The pre-surgery tests and results came back and my surgeon and doctors were making plans.  A long, very difficult recovery was outlined and explained to me by a variety of specialists.

Prior to the surgery, I did my thing.  Meditating and reading the best I could.  I wanted the mildest pain killer and dosage possible and I explained to the doctor that the pain was so great that I couldn't get to the point of being able to meditate.  I needed something to take the edge off so that I could continue my process toward peace and relief.  For a person they considered to have "a high pain tolerance", they did their best to relieve the pain, but keep me completely functioning.

The surgery went perfectly.  One day, I may describe the experience further in my blog.  As they rolled me between the swinging doors exiting the room, I awoke.  The surgeon and anesthesiologist leaned down, spoke my name, reiterated the surgery I had just undergone, and said ..." you're going home".

In my delirium, that had a number of interpretations.

They wheeled me into recovery.  Now, I cannot explain the feelings of being in recovery, but I was the only one conscious in that recovery room.  Nurses and doctors buzzing around me to do all they could to release me quickly.  I was overwhelmed.  Disbelief is an understatement.  Guilty for having been so fortunate.  And...pain beyond any I had ever experienced (they forgot to administer any pain relief following the surgery).

I went home.  Joy, relief, disbelief, gratitude, love almost all-consuming.

But, there was guilt.  An unbearable emotion.  Underneath it all.  Overwhelming.

"Why me?  How did I get so lucky?  I'm so joyful and grateful and feeling such relief escaping the forecasts of my predicted future...but why me?"

I felt terrible, but I did what I do.  I meditated.

The pain was still beyond anything I had ever experienced.

I went into the meditation with this thought of horrendous guilt behind it all.  The thought itself was the "gorilla in my mind" at the time.  Enormous.

As I slowly slipped "back to reality" following the meditation, I began to feel something.  A relief.  An answer of sorts.

The answer seemed to be written for me.  Like a billboard becoming visible as I neared it, the answer in my mind was clear.

"Because you're not done yet."

I know these answers are "obvious", "simple"....I've been told that more times than I can remember...but I have also been told, "why didn't I think of that"?

That's mindful meditation.  The simple.

The greatest truths and answers are just that.  Pure.  Simple.

My point to sharing this story was a discussion that I had with young man who was undergoing tests for a disease that would change the rest of his life.  I listened to his pain and thought I'd share this story with him.  For what it may be worth.

He said to me, "you have no idea what this answer did for me."  He was so grateful and a look of relief and serenity crossed his face that I hadn't seen since he received his possible diagnosis.  He said, "You need to tell people this.  It's so simple, but we forget."  And..."Thank you.  Thank you so much."

If anyone feeling pain of any sort reads this, I hope they may find some relief in knowing that there is much more ahead for you.  No matter the type of pain and no matter the path ahead.  Yes.  You are in agony and you may have many questions about the pain.  But, remember.

You are here and experiencing.  You're not done yet.  Whatever that may mean.  There's some great mystery.  A gift is wrapped.

Obvious, I know.

Sometimes, the best, simplest answer is the only answer we have.

Tomato, Basil, and Garlic Pasta

The ingredients 

Balsamic vinegars

5-6 cups ripe tomatoes, coarsely chopped, reserving juice

1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil

1-2 tsp. balsamic vinegar

1 TBLS. sea salt

1 TSP. freshly ground black pepper

2 cloves garlic (or one clove elephant garlic), peeled 

3/4 lb. thin pasta ( spaghetti, linguine, etc)

1 cup fresh basil (coarsely chopped)

Summer's tomatoes and fresh garlic join basil vinaigrette

In large pot, bring water to a boil

In serving bowl, combine tomatoes, their juice, oil, vinegar, salt and pepper.  Put aside.

Blanch garlic in boiling water 30 seconds.  Rinse under cold water, dry and dice into serving bowl with all ingredients.

Cook pasta in pot 8-11 minutes or until al dente

Drain pasta and add to serving bowl.

Top with parmesan cheese.

Serves 4

Preparation and cooking:  Approximately 30 mins.