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| The Healer |
Before every mindful and meditating person stops reading this article beyond the first paragraph, please bear with me.
This is a story that I have shared with a number of people about an experience that I had following a surgery in 2009. The pre-surgery tests and results came back and my surgeon and doctors were making plans. A long, very difficult recovery was outlined and explained to me by a variety of specialists.
Prior to the surgery, I did my thing. Meditating and reading the best I could. I wanted the mildest pain killer and dosage possible and I explained to the doctor that the pain was so great that I couldn't get to the point of being able to meditate. I needed something to take the edge off so that I could continue my process toward peace and relief. For a person they considered to have "a high pain tolerance", they did their best to relieve the pain, but keep me completely functioning.
The surgery went perfectly. One day, I may describe the experience further in my blog. As they rolled me between the swinging doors exiting the room, I awoke. The surgeon and anesthesiologist leaned down, spoke my name, reiterated the surgery I had just undergone, and said ..." you're going home".
In my delirium, that had a number of interpretations.
They wheeled me into recovery. Now, I cannot explain the feelings of being in recovery, but I was the only one conscious in that recovery room. Nurses and doctors buzzing around me to do all they could to release me quickly. I was overwhelmed. Disbelief is an understatement. Guilty for having been so fortunate. And...pain beyond any I had ever experienced (they forgot to administer any pain relief following the surgery).
I went home. Joy, relief, disbelief, gratitude, love almost all-consuming.
But, there was guilt. An unbearable emotion. Underneath it all. Overwhelming.
"Why me? How did I get so lucky? I'm so joyful and grateful and feeling such relief escaping the forecasts of my predicted future...but why me?"
I felt terrible, but I did what I do. I meditated.
The pain was still beyond anything I had ever experienced.
I went into the meditation with this thought of horrendous guilt behind it all. The thought itself was the "gorilla in my mind" at the time. Enormous.
As I slowly slipped "back to reality" following the meditation, I began to feel something. A relief. An answer of sorts.
The answer seemed to be written for me. Like a billboard becoming visible as I neared it, the answer in my mind was clear.
"Because you're not done yet."
I know these answers are "obvious", "simple"....I've been told that more times than I can remember...but I have also been told, "why didn't I think of that"?
That's mindful meditation. The simple.
The greatest truths and answers are just that. Pure. Simple.
My point to sharing this story was a discussion that I had with young man who was undergoing tests for a disease that would change the rest of his life. I listened to his pain and thought I'd share this story with him. For what it may be worth.
He said to me, "you have no idea what this answer did for me." He was so grateful and a look of relief and serenity crossed his face that I hadn't seen since he received his possible diagnosis. He said, "You need to tell people this. It's so simple, but we forget." And..."Thank you. Thank you so much."
If anyone feeling pain of any sort reads this, I hope they may find some relief in knowing that there is much more ahead for you. No matter the type of pain and no matter the path ahead. Yes. You are in agony and you may have many questions about the pain. But, remember.
You are here and experiencing. You're not done yet. Whatever that may mean. There's some great mystery. A gift is wrapped.
Obvious, I know.
Sometimes, the best, simplest answer is the only answer we have.
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